Outdoorsy

"So what, you just gone sit there licking your wounds?" Stella had her back turned to me and could hear that I was crying now. She stood there at the sink, washing the sink full of dishes in scalding hot water as she always did. I could never understand how she was able to stick her hands in water hot enough to make a grown man scream. I wiped my wet face dry several times before I got up the nerve to answer her.
"Unh, unh," I said as the tears still streamed down my face. I couldn't stop crying for nothing. The pain was far too deep to stop just yet. My heart hurt. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. Johnny had walked out on me with that girl in his car. I knew she was in the car when he had walked in the door. The expression on his face said, "I don't want you anymore. I got somebody." And he did. When he went in the bathroom to gather his belongings, I peeped out the kitchen window. She was just sitting there in his car looking all proud and mighty. She wore a terrible hooker shade of red lipstick and whomever had done her makeup must have worked in a circus. She had on a black skin-tight top and got to looking around. She looked me dead in the face and smiled. That right there was the straw that broke the camel's back. I took my shoes off, picked up the rubberband off the kitchen table to tie my hair up and marched right outside. You should have saw her face as I walked towards her. She was so uneasy and looking at me like she wasn't sure if she should lock the door or not. She should have locked that door. I pulled her out of that seat by her hair and lost my mind. I really just snapped. I can't really remember what happened during the fight. All I remember is that I just went to kicking and punching that girl like it was nobody's business. She probably hit me a few times but Johnny ran out there and pulled me off her. "Girl, what's gotten into you?" He yelled at me. I snatched my bruised arm out of his grip and stomped back into the house. I locked the door behind me and ran to the bedroom and locked that door too. I ramsacked the room. I kicked the TV off the nightstand and knocked the lamp off the dresser. I pulled all Johnny's clothes out his drawers and out of the closet and emptied them out the bedroom window. I took his shoes and threw them out there as well. Then I went to the corner of the room where I always go to cry. And I cried.

I am ready to say hello to the very promising future that awaits me. I said in my last post that I was sure I would have much better things to focus on soon and I was right. I am excited about the life that is forthcoming. I and my family will shortly be moving out of state to a large city that we have always talked about moving to. We have talked about it for a few years but just never took the initiative to go. Well, now I am happy to say that we are going at the first of the year and I cannot wait. I am looking for a new start, and I am ready to turn a new leaf on my life. At times, we can get stuck in ruts, which I did, and in the process one can lose their inspiration, whatever it may be. I think I have fallen victim to this theory. So I feel that this move is just what the doctor ordered. I have a new found opportunity to change my reality, and it is a change I am very ready to make. I have always wanted to move from my hometown, but strong ties to my family and the familiarity of this place seriously inhibited me. However, I see now neither of those things push me towards greatness. I must break out of my shell in order to emerge as the butterfly that I know I am. That will take me leaving my comfort zone in order to experience a better quality of life that I am capable of attaining. So with little regret, I must say that I am leaving... leaving on the midnight train to Georgia. Ok, not literally. However, I am excitedly awaiting my new life as an Atlantian resident.

I have been faced with a multitude of obstacles and challenges this month. I have found myself in very undesirable circumstances a great deal as well. However, it is true. Tough times come to make you stronger. I would not wish on anyone some of the things that I have had to endure this month. However, I am a better person for it. These passing days have taught me so much about myself and about life. My outlook on things has changed in many ways. I have learned to appreciate everything, no matter how small and minor. I have learned not to think too highly of myself. I am grateful for my family and cherish them above all else. My children drive me to be all that I can be for them. They rely on my strength and wisdom and I need not let them down. In the near future I know my next post will reveal the promises of my future. However, I probably would not see it if it were not for the struggles I encountered recently.

I did promise to devote a segment to my daughter, Ariel, as I did my son. My daughter, who just recently turned 8 yrs. old, has spent the entire summer in Florida. Though she was extremely ready to go when the time came she is now very ready to return home. I am very ready for her to return as well. She goes away every summer and has done so ever since she was about 3 yrs. old, and I still don't think I can say that I am completely at ease with it. I absolutely hate her to be away from me for so long. I miss her deeply and can't stand to hear her broken voice say, "Mama, I'm ready to come home." It has been the arrangement of I and her father that she will spend her summers with him since she doesn't have much time during the school year to spend significant time with him. However, my heart gets in the way of the logic of the situation. I have often wondered do fathers harbor the same attachment to their children as women do? Perhaps I am wrong to assume that all women feel "attached." I can, thus, only speak for myself. I am very attached to my children and feel that they are the best thing that ever happened to me. They each have the ability to elicit a genuine happiness from me somewhere deep down within. Though my daughter, at times, is disobedient, very talkative, and acts like me, to my dismay, she by far has to be one of the sweetest children I have met. Perhaps all mothers say that about their children, but that makes it just as important for me to say it as well. My children are the candy of my life. Just having them in my life, makes it the sweetest thing. I will be going to get my daughter from Florida this weekend and when I finally see her, I will run up and hug her and kiss her. Perhaps that will give her just a tiny glimpse of what she means to me.



Here are my two children, Ariel and Ayden.

It has been an ambition of mine to work from home. Just months back, before the birth of my son, I was determined to find some sort of online entity that could employ me so that I would not be forced to go back to my dreaded place of employment anymore. I have worked in collections for nearly 4 yrs., and I was burnt out after the first. I scoured the web for online telemarketers, knowing good and well that I hated telemarketing. I have been there and done that already. It was not for me then, it is not for me now. I did my research on survey sites and mystery shopping to no avail. It is difficult to earn a substantial income through such means. I have attempted free lance writing to some extent. However, I realize: 1) Many employers will require prior experience at free lancing, and 2) I'm not always up to writing about something that someone else requires of me. I'd rather write what I want to write. This is much more enjoyable. I soon became very frustrated, as you can imagine. "Is there any legitimate way to earn an income from home?" I asked. The answer is yes, as I have found out. I and my husband have delved into the world of network marketing to discover there are a lot of people out there working from home and reaping plentiful rewards. Network marketing deals with people. It is about being a valuable asset and help to someone so that they can as well as you can succeed and profit in the long run. I have learned much about confidence, self esteem, alpha male/female thinking and it is absolutely profound. This market deals with more than the opportunity to earn a sizable income. It is based on the Me brand and how I add value to myself by being as knowledgeable as possible on its ends and outs.
Now, I will be honest, I have not yet earned my great fortune from network marketing. I have been in the learning phase the past few weeks, and have been trying my best to become as knowledgeable as possible on the industry. However, I have suffered from paralysis of analysis before and refuse to let it get me this time, so I'm breaking out. In network marketing a product or either information is being marketed to the public. Income is either made this way or by becoming an affiliate of the site that markets. As an affiliate, one drives traffic to the site to assist the marketer in their advertising efforts. So this is where I come in. As an affiliate, I can send you to the site to check out a system that will greatly assist you in your earning efforts if you own or want to own a business. I can also offer others to be affiliates as well if they have interest in earning a significant income through network marketing. This is a great opportunity for me and many others to put our people skills to use and profit along the way. Check out a wonderful opportunity: http://www.streamlinefunnelsystem.com/?ID=35191 and leave a comment here if needed.

I just wanted to pay tribute to my son, Ayden, who keeps me up until the wee hours of the morning. However, I love him no less. He has allowed me to express love in a way that I have never before, love for a son. He warms my heart with each smile and coo. I have vowed to be everything he needs in a mother. Where I will fall short, God will pick up the slack with steady guidance for me. Though no easy task, motherhood is something I am thankful to experience. Many women long to experience it, and for that reason, I am very grateful. My daughter, Ariel, is out of town at this time but I will pay tribute to her soon as well. My love for my children overwhelms me at times but... that is the beauty of love. It knows no end. It must be what God feels for us.


Here's Ayden, 3 mos. old, just waking up.

I notice my blogs have been very motivational lately, and I'm only writing what is inside of me at the time. It is what God is speaking to me as well as someone else. I pray it is inspirational to someone as much as it is to me. When I must expound on another topic, I will do so. But for now, here it is. Today I visited Tyler Perry's site because I and my sister were discussing how he sends out these mass emails to encourage his followers every now and again. So, I made a mental note to visit his site to see if there was something that would be inspiring or helpful to me. I definitely found something helpful. It was a past email he published. Tyler Perry wrote an email on 3/4/09 about how he got his start. His story is absolutely amazing and reverberates the message that I know so many of us have heard before, don't give up. Read and enjoy.

Written by Tyler Perry on 3/4/09:

I wrote my first play at 22. After I wrote it I prayed and asked God to bless it and lead me in the right direction. No sooner than I said that, I was in Atlanta visiting for Freaknick...(LOL). On this visit I realized that there was a small theater called the 14th Street Playhouse that I could afford to rent and perform my play in. So feeling led, I moved to Atlanta, got a job and went to work on saving money to do my show. I just knew this would work. Anyway, there were 200 seats. I thought I would do 6 shows and 1,200 people would come and I would be set. There was one problem. I needed time off from my job to do it. I asked my boss and he said no. I went to my desk and prayed. I said, "God, if this is for me to do then lead me." I clearly heard the voice say, "Quit, it will be all right." So I did. I did the play and instead of 1,200 people showing up only 30 came over the entire weekend. I said, "Okay God, where are You?" I couldn't hear a word. Now mind you, I could always hear from God. You remember my parakeet story?

Anyway, of course I was broken-hearted, but I picked myself up and went and got another job. I got a phone call a few months later. Someone who had seen the show wanted to invest in another show. So I was faced with the same decision again. I had just gotten a job and they wouldn't give me the time off, so I had to quit to go and do the play. Same thing. I went to my desk and prayed and heard that same voice saying quit. So I did.

Now from 1992 until 1997 this happened over and over again. I was only doing one show a year, and every time the show failed. So, I would go get another job. But there was always someone new who wanted to invest. I got another opportunity to do a show, but I knew I would have to quit my "GOOD JOB" as my mother would say. I was making $350 a week. Anyway, I went to the boss and asked for time off so I could do the play. He said no. So I went back to my desk and prayed. I said, "God, what should I do?" I clearly heard the voice say quit. So I did.

I went out and did that show. I think it was in Spartanburg, South Carolina. Anyway, I rehearsed, loaded the U-Haul truck and drove down there. There was a little rain as I was going there. When I got there I found out that a hurricane was coming through. Nobody showed up. I was devastated! As I was driving the truck home through the rain, I was going as fast as I could. I was so hurt and angry. I prayed and prayed and said, "God, You told me to do this. Where are You?" I didn't hear a word. It's scary when you can't hear from God. Anyway, I got home and there was the eviction notice. I went out looking for a job and found one, but by the time I got my first check it was too late. I came home from work to find all of my things out in front of the apartment building. I didn't care about the stuff. Let me take that back. My stereo, that I had bought from one of those rent-to-own companies (where you pay five times more than it's worth), was ruined. I was mad about that...(LOL). Anyway, the thing that hurt me the most was that I had so many scripts and songs and things that were ruined from the rain. I sat there getting what I could together. I put them in my car (that was up for repossession) and drove around all night. Finally, I slept in the car. When I got my next check I started staying at this pay-by-the-week hotel. There were drug addicts, prostitutes, and any criminal element you could imagine there. During this time, I was still praying and I still hadn't heard from God.

I called home for a family member to send me some money and I was told that I should give up this dream and that I was never going to make it. I was told to stop doing this play bull$#@t. I think that was one of my lowest days. I cried like a baby because this was someone that I truly loved.

I was working at UPS. Now I was up to about $400 a week, but I couldn't seem to get ahead enough to get my first and last month's rent. This kind woman (who I have been looking for for years) named VIRGINIA HARDIMAN, in Atlanta, loaned me the money. She told me to hold on and that God would see me through. I didn't want to hear that. I felt like He was the reason I was in that situation.

Anyway, I got an apartment. The one I showed you the picture of. And was so happy to have a roof over my head. My thought was, "God, even though I can't hear from You, thank You! Thank You for this place!" I was grateful. Before I knew it 2 years had passed by and I was getting comfortable in my place. It had become safe. I stopped dreaming. I was taking the advice of the family member. I had settled in and didn't want to dream anymore. It hurt too much. I was 28 at the time (you have to be careful when you get comfortable in a place that's not your home).

Anyway, life was okay, but I was so unhappy. By then I had moved on to another "good job" and I walked into that place everyday miserable. I knew there was something more for me. I had gotten so depressed. All I would do was work, come home, eat and sleep. Thank God I have never done any drugs because I know I would have been strung out. You also have to be careful when you're not happy or you will find yourself in some situations that you never thought you could be in. And I did. I started drinking pretty heavily back then. Saturday night I would drink, but Sunday morning I was at church still trying to hear from God. I had given up. Some kind of way the rent got behind again. When I think about it, the rent was $425 and I was only making about $1,200 a month. I had a car and gas and food to buy, so I guess it was easy to get behind.

Around this time I got a call from someone else who wanted to invest, and she said we had an opportunity to do the show at the House of Blues in Atlanta. I said no. I SAID NO! Oh God when I think about this I get a chill. They had to beg me to do the show! It hurt too much to have that dream be revived in me and not make it. I just couldn't do it. I said no. With a lot of coaxing I finally gave in. Can you imagine if I wouldn't have?

Anyway, the night of the play I remember sitting in the dressing room getting ready for the show. I was playing old man 'Joe' at the time. I sat there complaining and talking to God saying, "You always get me out here and You leave me, and I'm 28. This is it! I'm not doing this anymore!" Can you imagine me talking to God like that? That's crazy! But I was so mad at Him then. So, I was saying what I wanted to say and in the middle of my rant I heard Him. IIIII HHEEAARRD HIIIMMM!!!!! Somebody knows what I'm talking about! He said to me, "I AM GOD. YOU DON'T TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER. I TELL YOU WHEN IT'S OVER, AND THIS IS THE BEGINNING." I sat there crying like a baby. Then He said, "Get up and look out of the window." I got up and looked out and there was a line around the corner trying to get into the place! I still get a chill when I think about it. If I had given up on dreaming... If I had not tried one more time... I wouldn't be here in this place. I wouldn't have seen all that I'm seeing now. For that matter you wouldn't be reading this email.

So, sometimes following God will lead you into places that you don't want to go. It's uncomfortable. It's scary. It hurts. But if you can just hold on you will see there is another side to it. What you're going through is not in vain. Hold on! Keep the faith! And learn to be thankful for whatever situation you may be in. It's not over until God says it's over. And this is just your beginning. TRY AGAIN!!

There is so much more to this story, but I know you have other things to do. I'm writing all of this in my book so you'll be able to get the full story one day. I just wanted to share a little bit with you. Please share it with someone, okay?

Be strong and stay well. AND TRY AGAIN, AND THEN AGAIN, AND THEN AGAIN!

Tyler P.

So...there are two men sitting and talking in a diner. One of the men is a multimillionaire the other man is a poor working class man. The wealthy man asked the poor man, "What do you want more than anything in the world?" It didn't take the poor man long to think of his answer. He knew this one right off. "To be like you...rich and successful." The wealthy man smiled for moment then looked into the eyes of the poor man, "You really want to be successful," he asked. The poor man looked back at him with a desperate glare and answered, "Yeh." The wealthy man said, "Okay, then I want you to meet me at the beach tomorrow at 4 p.m. sharp. Don't be late. The wealthy man got up to leave the diner.
The poor man continued to sit wondering why the other man wanted to meet him at the beach. The poor man thought to himself, "Does he know of some rare stone on the beach that I can sell? Is he gonna show me how to make glass out of sand? Is he gonna teach me how to properly give swimming lessons?" He could not understand why they were meeting at the beach but he would soon find out on tomorrow. The poor man got up, paid his tab and left the diner.
The following day he was at the beach at 4 p.m. just as the wealthy man had asked him to be. He saw the wealthy man sitting on the beach waiting for him. He walked up to the wealthy man and the wealthy man said, "Okay you're here. Now I want you to walk out into the water with me. "Okay," the poor man said. They began walking into the water. When they had gotten waist deep into the water, the poor man started wondering the point of the exercise. He looked over to the wealthy man. "Okay, we can stop now. Now I want you to bend your head over into the water and hold your breath. I am going to hold your head under with my hand and then bring you back up. Don't get alarmed. I won't let you drown." The poor man trusted the wealthy man and knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt him so said, "Alright."
The poor man bent his head into the water and held his breath. He felt the wealthy man put his hand on the back of his head. After a little time had elapsed he was ready to lift his head to find out their real reason for coming out to the beach. However, the wealthy man was still holding his head down. So he motioned to raise up but the wealthy man continued to hold his head down. So he signaled with his hand that he was ready to come up for air but the wealthy man continued to hold his head underwater. The poor man at this point felt the pressure on his lungs and realized he couldn't hold his breath much longer. He began panicking.
The wealthy man immediately lifted him up from the water. The poor man gasped for air as he raised up. He looked over at the wealthy man, "What were you trying to do! Kill me!!" The wealthy man looked at him with comforting eyes, " I was not trying to kill you. But while you were underwater what did you want more than anything in the world?" The poor man, still shaken up by the incident, looked at him and exclaimed, " To breathe!!" The wealthy man said, " I knew you would say that. Now you think about how badly you wanted to breathe and needed to breathe. When you want success as badly as you wanted to breathe just now you give me a call. The wealthy man handed over a card to the poor man and began to walk back towards the beach. The poor man stood there for few more minutes pondering what the wealthy man had said and catching his breath.

So I had to go and read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I finished the book on yesterday and have to say it was a great read. I enjoyed it. It has caused me to look at my life differently. I don't look at life now as taking what it gives me. I am here to live life not have it live me. I do feel that God can give us signs in regards to assisting us in our decision making. However, our decisions are only for you and I to make. I feel my eyes are open to the possibilities that await me. If I heed the signs I will realize my destiny. There is so much more to be said about this subject but it is funny how a topic can overwhelm you as this one does me. So I will wrap it up here.

My title has never rang more true to me than today. I have goals for myself that I want to achieve and things that I want to accomplish and I am my only enemy in achieving them. I watched Will Smith speak on something so profound it perhaps could blow your mind. I have to share it with everyone. It is truly captivating what he was saying on defining your own destiny. I know it will help someone I know. It helped me. I need to see those ideas and beliefs manifest in my life. I have to go to that place in my mind where I am my perfect self. I have faltered for far too long. I know who I am and I know where I am and I must go and be that Sharla. She will thank me for it. She is yearning for her reality. Her existence is undeniable, however, her reality has been delayed. I can't be happy and continue to tell the true me to wait. At this rate, I will slowly kill the true me and look back on my life with pain and regret and the ultimate let down. How can one really be at peace in that state of mind?

I have reached that point. It is time out for excuses. Excuses tell you it is okay to fail. If you decide not to tolerate them and neither make them you will be better for it. The elimination of excuses is your opportunity to excel in ways that you have only imagined yourself excelling. It eliminates the, "I can't" or "but". I deservIe to be the me that I imagine I am. I am my only obstacle standing in the way of that dream . I am a diva. I speak with authority. I handle my business with confidence and integrity. Women look up to me and admire my poise. I make things happen. I am a mover. I am a shaker. I am a power woman. This is only the beginning.

I want to share some uplifting information with you. Life is your sandbox. It can shaped and manipulated in any fashion and way that you see fit. If you want wealth, and health, and things, call them to you. God is not in heaven rejecting your every request. It is his plan that you be in good health and prosper, even as your soul prospers. Let US make our mind up to speak those things into our lives that we desire. There is abundance in life and I have it. Life is sweet. Life is beautiful. Life is rich. Enjoy the life that God blessed you with. If you are not enjoying it yet then do whatever it takes to start enjoying it. I and my family have great wealth. I and my family have excellent health. I speak abundance into my life and I will not want for anything. I have the house I want. I have the car I want. I have the life I want. I have it. It is mine.

I have a love for interior design that follows me. In spite of knowing this, I have not pursued the passion. I did began pursuing a degree in the field about a year ago, however, I did not complete it due to the financial responsibility. I am still paying for a previous education. I could not justify creating more loans when I have yet to pay off previous ones.
I am not giving up on that passion at all. I believe I will have the opportunity to focus on that love soon in my life. Whether I complete the course work to obtain a degree in the field, or I migrate towards interior decorating, a less costly alternative, I will not allow that passion to go unfulfilled. It must be manifested in my life. Until then, I continue to get my fix of gorgeous interiors through Divine Design episodes and my collection of Florida Design magazines. If I have no other opportunity other than to design the interiors of my entire home, I will be greatly satisfied. However, I am sure I will have more of an opportunity to birth that passion out of me than only designing my home.
If you could walk in my shoes and enjoy this love with me, then you will greatly appreciate the clip I have included in this posting. It shows Candice operating divinely in her craft, and her client's response is to be expected with work this fabulous. Somewhere in heaven God is loving that bedroom. If not, I know I am.

First off, I must say motherhood is a beautiful experience. There is a sure sense of pride that goes along with caring for and nurturing a child. However, can one argue that either of those tactics be done in excess? Can you really care for or nurture your children too much?
Just a couple of months ago I was blessed to give birth to my second child, Ayden. He is a sweet baby, and I try my best to be a great mother to him in spite of the lack of sleep I have learned to live without. However, my husband said something to me today that slightly pricked my nerve. He said, "Ayden is spoiled." Now, correct me if I am wrong. I don't think any mother wants to hear that said about her children, no matter who is saying it.
I will admit at times, Ayden can have a difficult time staying asleep. During these times, he, of courses, cries for someone to pick him up from his bed. There are times when he needs a changing or to be fed, and there are times when he does not. As he continues to cry, I and my husband try to eliminate as many reasons for his distress as possible. When we have come to no legitimate reason and he yet continues to cry, we relieve him from his misery and pick him up. Most of the time, Ayden will then stop crying. Could he be manipulating us at so young an age? Possibly. However, How am I to know when a cry requires less attention than another cry? I am not sure I will ever know the answer to that question. What I will do is continue to nurture my children as I see fit. If I am being manipulated by my son at 2 mos. old, who cares. I'm a better mother for it.