Outdoorsy

Don't want to let fear steal my future accomplishments. Don't want to walk so far off the path I cannot find my way back. I want to walk the path God has laid for my life confidently and intently, never straying. I have fallen short of my own ideals. I have often let myself down. However, if I have strayed from God's will for my life, I am certain that he can place me back in just as if I never stepped out. He can set me back down in the place where I belong.

Here is a song from my heart

I sincerely want to make YOU happy

Forgive Me

I've made so many wrong decisions and have had to learn from them

Restore Me To Where I Belong

I Know That I Need Your Guidance

I cannot face this Life alone

Give me the Mind of Christ

I often wonder what in life do I really want to do. My life seems now to be more focused on the management of my family with all of the changes that have taken place. I have a great love for interior design. The leisure to study on that field as long as I please, is fulfillment in itself, but every journey has a destination. My plan has been to pursue that field, learn its ends and outs, then go on and start my own business. There have also been other business ventures that I have wanted to explore. I feel as if I am standing at a crossroad and I am not sure of which way to go. There may be a possibility that I am able to wander down each path. Whatever path I am to take, I'm ready to begin my journey. Time waits for no man.

"So what, you just gone sit there licking your wounds?" Stella had her back turned to me and could hear that I was crying now. She stood there at the sink, washing the sink full of dishes in scalding hot water as she always did. I could never understand how she was able to stick her hands in water hot enough to make a grown man scream. I wiped my wet face dry several times before I got up the nerve to answer her.
"Unh, unh," I said as the tears still streamed down my face. I couldn't stop crying for nothing. The pain was far too deep to stop just yet. My heart hurt. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. Johnny had walked out on me with that girl in his car. I knew she was in the car when he had walked in the door. The expression on his face said, "I don't want you anymore. I got somebody." And he did. When he went in the bathroom to gather his belongings, I peeped out the kitchen window. She was just sitting there in his car looking all proud and mighty. She wore a terrible hooker shade of red lipstick and whomever had done her makeup must have worked in a circus. She had on a black skin-tight top and got to looking around. She looked me dead in the face and smiled. That right there was the straw that broke the camel's back. I took my shoes off, picked up the rubberband off the kitchen table to tie my hair up and marched right outside. You should have saw her face as I walked towards her. She was so uneasy and looking at me like she wasn't sure if she should lock the door or not. She should have locked that door. I pulled her out of that seat by her hair and lost my mind. I really just snapped. I can't really remember what happened during the fight. All I remember is that I just went to kicking and punching that girl like it was nobody's business. She probably hit me a few times but Johnny ran out there and pulled me off her. "Girl, what's gotten into you?" He yelled at me. I snatched my bruised arm out of his grip and stomped back into the house. I locked the door behind me and ran to the bedroom and locked that door too. I ramsacked the room. I kicked the TV off the nightstand and knocked the lamp off the dresser. I pulled all Johnny's clothes out his drawers and out of the closet and emptied them out the bedroom window. I took his shoes and threw them out there as well. Then I went to the corner of the room where I always go to cry. And I cried.

I am ready to say hello to the very promising future that awaits me. I said in my last post that I was sure I would have much better things to focus on soon and I was right. I am excited about the life that is forthcoming. I and my family will shortly be moving out of state to a large city that we have always talked about moving to. We have talked about it for a few years but just never took the initiative to go. Well, now I am happy to say that we are going at the first of the year and I cannot wait. I am looking for a new start, and I am ready to turn a new leaf on my life. At times, we can get stuck in ruts, which I did, and in the process one can lose their inspiration, whatever it may be. I think I have fallen victim to this theory. So I feel that this move is just what the doctor ordered. I have a new found opportunity to change my reality, and it is a change I am very ready to make. I have always wanted to move from my hometown, but strong ties to my family and the familiarity of this place seriously inhibited me. However, I see now neither of those things push me towards greatness. I must break out of my shell in order to emerge as the butterfly that I know I am. That will take me leaving my comfort zone in order to experience a better quality of life that I am capable of attaining. So with little regret, I must say that I am leaving... leaving on the midnight train to Georgia. Ok, not literally. However, I am excitedly awaiting my new life as an Atlantian resident.

I have been faced with a multitude of obstacles and challenges this month. I have found myself in very undesirable circumstances a great deal as well. However, it is true. Tough times come to make you stronger. I would not wish on anyone some of the things that I have had to endure this month. However, I am a better person for it. These passing days have taught me so much about myself and about life. My outlook on things has changed in many ways. I have learned to appreciate everything, no matter how small and minor. I have learned not to think too highly of myself. I am grateful for my family and cherish them above all else. My children drive me to be all that I can be for them. They rely on my strength and wisdom and I need not let them down. In the near future I know my next post will reveal the promises of my future. However, I probably would not see it if it were not for the struggles I encountered recently.

I did promise to devote a segment to my daughter, Ariel, as I did my son. My daughter, who just recently turned 8 yrs. old, has spent the entire summer in Florida. Though she was extremely ready to go when the time came she is now very ready to return home. I am very ready for her to return as well. She goes away every summer and has done so ever since she was about 3 yrs. old, and I still don't think I can say that I am completely at ease with it. I absolutely hate her to be away from me for so long. I miss her deeply and can't stand to hear her broken voice say, "Mama, I'm ready to come home." It has been the arrangement of I and her father that she will spend her summers with him since she doesn't have much time during the school year to spend significant time with him. However, my heart gets in the way of the logic of the situation. I have often wondered do fathers harbor the same attachment to their children as women do? Perhaps I am wrong to assume that all women feel "attached." I can, thus, only speak for myself. I am very attached to my children and feel that they are the best thing that ever happened to me. They each have the ability to elicit a genuine happiness from me somewhere deep down within. Though my daughter, at times, is disobedient, very talkative, and acts like me, to my dismay, she by far has to be one of the sweetest children I have met. Perhaps all mothers say that about their children, but that makes it just as important for me to say it as well. My children are the candy of my life. Just having them in my life, makes it the sweetest thing. I will be going to get my daughter from Florida this weekend and when I finally see her, I will run up and hug her and kiss her. Perhaps that will give her just a tiny glimpse of what she means to me.



Here are my two children, Ariel and Ayden.

It has been an ambition of mine to work from home. Just months back, before the birth of my son, I was determined to find some sort of online entity that could employ me so that I would not be forced to go back to my dreaded place of employment anymore. I have worked in collections for nearly 4 yrs., and I was burnt out after the first. I scoured the web for online telemarketers, knowing good and well that I hated telemarketing. I have been there and done that already. It was not for me then, it is not for me now. I did my research on survey sites and mystery shopping to no avail. It is difficult to earn a substantial income through such means. I have attempted free lance writing to some extent. However, I realize: 1) Many employers will require prior experience at free lancing, and 2) I'm not always up to writing about something that someone else requires of me. I'd rather write what I want to write. This is much more enjoyable. I soon became very frustrated, as you can imagine. "Is there any legitimate way to earn an income from home?" I asked. The answer is yes, as I have found out. I and my husband have delved into the world of network marketing to discover there are a lot of people out there working from home and reaping plentiful rewards. Network marketing deals with people. It is about being a valuable asset and help to someone so that they can as well as you can succeed and profit in the long run. I have learned much about confidence, self esteem, alpha male/female thinking and it is absolutely profound. This market deals with more than the opportunity to earn a sizable income. It is based on the Me brand and how I add value to myself by being as knowledgeable as possible on its ends and outs.
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